Anti-Poetic Justice
by Shilozen
Summary: Deadpool never thought that he would ever find a solid "companion" of sorts. But when his pizza delivery girl begins getting to know him, she eventually offers to help him with his new computer troubles, which leads to Deadpool's strange offer to have her become his "assistant". Which means more pizza and a whole lot of baddie-fighting. T because, let's face it, this is Deadpool...
1. Chapter 1: HOW DID I GET INTO THIS!

**Chapter 1: HOW DID I GET INTO THIS?!**

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><p>"Did you rig this?!"<p>

"No..."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

I look the teenage girl in front of me right in the eye. This girl, the girl who had introduced herself as Rachel and nothing else to me less than a month ago, seemed different. Normally people would be scared of me. Well... Wouldn't they?

_How is she not scared of you?_

"I don't know! What's wrong with her?!" I exclaim.

"Nothing's wrong with me, dude," Rachel says, scratching her neck.

_You are literally the ugliest guy in the history of ugly. Maybe that'll scare her off. TAKE THE MASK OFF A LITTLE BIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  
><em>

"Well... Okay then," I say, ripping off my mask halfway.

Rachel blinks once. Twice. Thrice. Nods her head.

"Okay then," Rachel smirks. "You're cool. Normally people with masks on tend to keep them on."

I frown. This is not good. Okay, so she kinda seems like she wants to be friends with me. But doesn't everyone? That never ends prettily.

_Just do what you do best. Kill her._

"Seriously?!" I yell.

_Yeah. Look, she seems like a nice girl and all, buuuuuut..._

"But what?! She's nice, so even if she's selling me pizza that's probably rigged with a bomb or something, I trust her," I say.

"So I'm nice, huh?" Rachel says with a grin.

"Shut up," I say. "You wanna eat this pizza with me? I'm starved and all, but I kinda want some company right now."

She nods and I kind of think of calling her the Nodder. But that's a stupid and lame-as-Girl-Scout-cookies nickname. She walks further into my apartment and glances around, nodding (_yet again_), and eventually sitting down on the ratty old couch that I probably should've thrown out a month ago. She looks over at me and pats the seat next to her. I vaguely remember that my mask is still loose on my face and I hook it back on. I hop onto the couch and it creaks, swaying a little bit. Rachel smiles at me and I think to myself that she has a really nice smile.

_You old fart. Really? REALLY?! The girl that's been delivering your pizza for the past month... I'm not surprised.  
><em>

"Shut up," I mutter.

Rachel laughs. I glance at her questioningly and she just shakes her head and grabs the pizza box from me, opening it and snatching a large slice of the pie. I take a slice too and I think of all the conversation topics that I could bring up.

"So... Have you ever killed someone?"

Rachel chokes on her pizza.

Of course I had to pick the worst one.

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><p><strong>AN: SO HERE I AM. FINALLY. This is the new Deadpool story that I have been working on. There will be more chapters (they are also much longer) coming up really SUPER soon. :D See ya then! - Shilozen**


	2. Chapter 2: Let's Go To The Beach-Each

**Chapter 2: Let's Go to the Beach-Each (aka Deadpool Doesn't Go To The Beach - He Stays Inside)  
><strong>

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><p>Rachel looks at me for a second. She smirks for a second and then swallows her mouthful of pizza.<p>

"No, not yet," she says. "Though I'm probably bound to kill my little nephew someday soon."

I nod, not understanding, really, because I have no "little people" in my life.

_How about we just look at this from another angle... She's cute. But she's probably at least ten years younger than you. Big problem._

"I'm not interested in that," I say quietly.

Rachel shoulder-bumps me.

"Dude, I've been bringing you pizza for a month now and you've been saying that same line for a while now... When're you gonna at least tell me what it means?" she asks me.

I shake my head.

"Someday," I say with a grin, even though I know she can't see it.

Rachel nods her head towards my kitchen. "You got anything to drink?" she asks.

"Beer, beer, and more beer," I reply. Rachel lets out a short laugh.

"I'm sixteen," she remarks.

I shrug.

"Nobody's here to judge," I say with a smile.

Rachel smiles and nods, getting up and heading into the kitchen. She flings open my refrigerator and grabs a beer. She tosses it to me with a grin.

"I still have to think about my breath, though," she says. I nod and chuckle a bit. She grabs a bottle of water instead.

My mind zones out a little.

_Okay, how about we look at this from a different perspective. A different angle, maybe. You, her, and some pizza. This is cool. Kinda sorta like a date. But yet, not._

"Ugh, how does that even work?!" I yell at my brain. Rachel looks at me. Just for a second, maybe, and it makes me think that she possibly knows what I'm thinking about and talking to Brain about.

_Heh. As if._

"Seriously, shut up," I say to Brain. I watch Rachel for a second. She doesn't seem bothered by it.

_Why? I wonder if maybe she's super duper insane too! That'd be cool. Like two peas in a pod, yo! Wait... Isn't that a Halloween costume too? Oh gosh._

"Yeah, I think it's maybe a Halloween costume. But for babies. Because normally, average grown-up people don't wear "Peas in a Pod" costumes," I remark. Rachel takes a sip of her water and grunts in response.

"Yeah, no," she says, capping her bottle.

"When do you have to get back to work?" I ask her.

"I'm off the clock." She grins. "No more work. You were my last delivery of the day."

I glance at the lopsided clock in my apartment living room. It reads 3:04.

"Early day?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's because my boss is also my uncle, who just so happens to be the cousin of the dude who owns the pizza place," Rachel replies, leaning back into the couch with her hands behind her head.

_How is she so comfortable with you?_

"I don't know. How is she so comfortable with me?" I blurt out.

Rachel frowns for a moment. "Uh... common interests?"

I shake my head. "We've barely talked in the past, what, month that we've known each other." Rachel seems to accept that.

_She's cute._

"I need to get a new brain, that's what's gonna happen, yup," I say randomly.

"Brain botherin' you?" Rachel asks. As if she knows my problem. Huh.

"Yeah. Let's get Brain on another topic. Sooooo... What are you interested in?" I ask. Rachel stifles a giggle. I can tell. I'm super suave like that. Mister Suave-Smooth like that.

_Ooh, Mister Suave-Smooth! I like that nickname!_

I groan. Rachel chuckles. She likes this. Hmm... She's interesting. Ten years though. Eh. She'll never know what I'm thinking, so hey. Alright. I guess I'm not that insane. I'm just a little bit weird. Right? Right.

"Pizza, photography, pizza, writing, art, pizza, cooking, music, pizza, more pizza, film-making, and did I mention pizza?" Rachel says, her face on the verge of breaking out into a full-fledged smile unlike any other. I can tell it's gonna be super big. "What're you interested in, D-Pooly?"

_Hey, that's your rapper name. D-Pooly. Wow. I guess she knows about our *AHEM* failed mixtape, then._

"She better not know about that," I mutter. "I'm interested in... Pizza."

There's the smile.

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><p><strong>AN: Please review! Hopefully, they'll get out of the apartment and moving next chapter! :D**


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